I had the chance to talk to a good friend and member of an extended family about raising children. Arial, with her MSEdS degree, has the position of Guidance Counselor at a middle school and is raising a son as well. We talked about what parents need to do to help their children come along in the world. The following is a little of what we talked about.

"One of the most important things a child needs is to have parents they can count on," she said. "They should be able to believe everything you tell them. Everything." That means the child should expect things to happen tomorrow when you the parent say, "I will come tomorrow." Likewise, the child must learn that they have to be counted on for what they say. If a privilege of going outside to play is granted, then you the parent, must be able to count on the child being in the allowed play place. When the child says the homework is done, you the parent must be able to believe the homework is done. The child must count on a "time-out for homework" if it is not done. Normally a child should count on doing homework at some point today, everyday, or they must count on not getting a trip to the store, or whatever, even if it is inconvenient for the parents. "God never said it would be easy, just worth it," as an Internet friend told to me. It applies to being a parent very much. What is convenient comes second to the children's needs. Again, "God never said it would be easy, just worth it."

Another tidbit of wisdom Arial relayed was, "Children must EARN rights to privileges." They shouldn't just get things and get to going places just because... . She also said, "They need to learn that they won't get things or be allowed to go places from pouting or from showing out." "They must EARN the right to privileges."

The last bit of wisdom we could squeeze into the short time we talked was, "When children misbehave, "the consequences must fit the crime." It should apply for adults too, by the way. In other words, children should be shown that they can count on specific punishments that are fitting to the degree of misbehavior. Showing out and pouting should add some punishment. Punishments are first giving a time-out for the child to regroup their thinking about their behavior. If they don't learn from that then secondly you could take away a thing or prevent an activity. For example, such as keeping allowances and taking away phone privileges for an hour or day, or prevent attendance to a school football game (even if they are on the team). Again, "God never said it would be easy, just worth it." Only lastly a good-old-fashion whipping on the butt should be used to regroup the child's thinking about mannerly behavior. The younger the child the more appropriate the whippings, the older the child the more appropriate is taking away of a favorite activity to regroup their thinking. Older children should have better thinking skills than the younger ones.

After the punishment definitely ends the child can earn privileges by acting mannerly, doing their homework, cleaning their room, and doing some of the other household and yard work before a privilege is granted, i.e., allowing a phone call or outside play. At that point the parent can do what is convenient for that parent. Not before. Count on it. You and your kid(s) count on it and each other.